Crossing the Rubicon
by CynicalThanatologist
Summary: Rory makes a choice and learns to live with the consequences.
1. Like Mother,Like Daughter

**Crossing the Rubicon**

**Chapter 1:** Like Mother, Like Daughter

**Brief dossier:** A couple of days after Keg! Max! Let's pretend that Rory and Jess talked about everything that occurred during Kyle's party and reconciled. For the sake of being me, with said reconciliation they got closer. (Hint Hint Wink Wink) And then Goodnight, Gracie happened allowing for Jimmy's sudden appearance and disappearance. Then consecutively that big argument between Jess and Luke occurred. Jess was left with the only option that felt right: Leave. He packs his duffel and leaves that same night not saying anything to Rory. Luke upon finding Jess's room empty decides it's best for him to tell Rory about Jess's father, Jimmy; how he showed up to leave quickly. And his argument with Jess, ending with his kicking Jess out. Three weeks go by and Rory finds out that she's pregnant. In true Richard Gilmore fashion she's stoic and tries to pretend it away. But then an epiphany hits her. A life-altering epiphany: she can be just like her mother and she comes to a decision.

**A/N:** I felt pretty bad leaving chapter 1 how I did so I decided to edit it add more to the summary as well as change it to the present tense. The content basically is the same expect it's in present tense. The italics are the thoughts of the people that are talking. Like, when Rory talks the italics before or after her spoken statements are her thoughts. I hope that makes sense and I apologize for the confusion. Also this will in fact be Literati. And depending on whether or not I can pull it off, I might go into more detail of the dossier's events in the form of flashbacks. Now for the edited present tense of the story.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Except the insanity that is my mind.

* * *

She sits at her bed and looks around at her room. Her blue eyes land on the bulky duffel bag on the floor at her feet, to the Yale paraphernalia, then to her over stacked bookshelves. Rory lets herself fall back on her bed and stares at the ceiling. Her mind is already made up and she tries to name this emotion that swells within her. This emotion, that stubbornly refuses to name itself, blankets her heart and mind from the havoc that her decision will wreak. She lets the silence envelope her as she continues to wait for her mother. Her left hand goes subconsciously to her flat stomach just as the front door opens.

"Oh, fruit of my loins! How's your day?" _Better than mine, I hope._ Lorelai closes the door behind her just as Rory makes her way into the living room, duffel bag draped around her right shoulder. "Oh, you ready for Luke's?" Lorelai's blue eyes land on the duffel bag her daughter is carrying. She has a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as her eyes go back to her daughters'.

Rory takes a couple steps in front of her mother and pauses as she sees her mother's now watering eyes. "I love you, mom. And I'm sorry," _For choosing to repeat your mistakes. I hope you don't hate me too much for this._

"F-for what?" _I know that look in her eyes. Mine were like that too._ Lorelai's voice shakes slightly. The sinking feeling increases tenfold.

"I'm leaving. I can't stay here. I don't know where I'm going or if I'll come back. So I just need you to know that I love you and I'm proud to call you my mother." _In case you could never tell._ "I am truly sorry." _I cannot tell her the rest. I refuse to have her hating me along with resenting me._ Her own voice is breaking and she brushes past her mother, eyes blurry and strides out the door refusing to see her mother break down. She walks down the steps and heads straight for the bus that will take her away from her hometown. As she sits on the bus she thinks she may have heard her name being called a couple of times but she can't be sure. The bus drives off and only when she sees the Stars Hollow sign does she allow herself to breathe through her tears. The nameless stubborn emotion finally allows its name to fall from her lips. "Free."

**Stars Hollow**

The sound of the door clicking shut behind Rory sounds as final as the look of sheer determination in her eyes. Her daughter walked out on her just like she walked out on Richard and Emily; her parents. Lorelai feels the tears threatening to fall and turns to the door. Even if she did manage to get Rory to listen to her, she wouldn't stay in Stars Hollow. She walks out of the house mechanically, her footsteps taking her somewhere she doesn't have the mental capacity to question. When she hears the jingle of a bell she figures out that her footsteps have taken her to Luke's.

All conversation ceases when eyes land on a barely there Lorelai. Luke steps out of the kitchen and sees her then. Lorelai stands a couple of feet away from the door; her posture distraught, her blue eyes absent. "Out!" A pause and then everyone in the diner scatters out the door. Luke walks up to her silently. "What happened?" _Please let it be something fixable._ Lorelai tilts her head at Luke.

Considering the question she lets out a shaky breath as Luke gently leads her through the checkered curtain and up the stairs to his apartment. "Rory's gone." _She took a cue from me._ He sets the breaking mother on his couch next to him. "I get home from the inn and she's waiting for me with a duffel bag. It was big and it looked old. I didn't think we owned one. I don't know how she could've possibly carried it. I don't think I could've carried it." _She never fails to surprise me._

Luke tightens his arm around her. "What'd she say?" _To make you look this hurt._ He asks gently almost afraid of the answer.

Lorelai eyes the floor her tears falling full force. "That she loved me and is proud to be my daughter." _Yet she left._

"What did you say?" _You must've tried to stop her._

"She walked out before I could respond. When the door closed behind her I couldn't stay in the house; I felt trapped." She pauses, sobs raking through her now. "I don't see why we couldn't talk about what she was going through." _We always talk._

Luke rubs her back. "She'll come back." _I hope._

"You didn't see the look in her eyes, Luke. If she does come back it's not forever." She buries her head in Luke's shirt and lets the sobs overtake her. Luke holds onto her tightly and whispers soft nothings into her hair.

**Boston**

The bus stops and makes Rory wake with a jolt. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes she sees others departing. She gets up duffel bag around her shoulder and descends the bus looking around at the foreign city. The evening sun bright; she walks for a couple of blocks, bumping into very few people. Her blue eyes dart from building to building trying to ingest as much of the city as she can.

Finally tired, she signals a cab. Hopping in, she places the duffel bag beside her. "Where to, miss?" The cabbie looks at her through the rearview mirror, patient.

"I'm kind of hungry. Can you please take me somewhere not too pricey that serves great food?" She rubs her stomach unconsciously. The cabbie chuckles softly.

"In Boston there are tons of places like that. But there is this one place that just recently got big. The chef there is like a god. Which is funny 'cause he's a Harvard bound senior that works there for kicks; he can make anything." The cab stops at a streetlight.

"Oh? Sounds interesting." _Anything? Yum._

"Yeah. He's about your age, Hispanic and a culinary godsend. His name is something Garcia." The cab stops in front of a quaint hole-in-the-wall restaurant. The restaurant itself is very nice. Dark blue and a brazen crimson, the restaurant's front walls look distinguishable. The red horizontal sign above the door proudly reads 'Moonshine' in dark blue.

Rory pays the cabbie, thanks him for the recommendation and hops out duffel bag in tow. The windowed walls tell her that there is a small group inside. She walks towards the door and sees that the small group is ten or so guys all seated at a rectangular table at the center of the restaurant; all talking animatedly.

One notices her and gets up to unlock the door for her. He's around her height with chestnut hair, mocha eyes, and olive skin. He steps aside allowing her entrance. "Welcome to the hole-in-the-wall that is Moonshine; where all your culinary cravings can be conceived." _If you don't believe me; put me to the test._ He expertly laces his words with mirth. And there's a small accent in his deep voice, which Rory believes to be Hispanic. He pauses. "Hey, silence that sorry excuse for music that is rap! The ballots came in and it's unanimous that rock wins this month." _We get like this every month._ He shakes his chestnut haired head. His eyes drift back towards Rory. "I'm Des." Her blue eyes drift in front of them to the table. "You can sit with us. They all had their rabies shots, so they're harmless. Well, pathologically." _'Cause they might be inclined to bite someone that looks like you do._ Rory laughs and follows him, sitting to his right. She drops her bag on the floor just as the music stops.

Every guy looks at her curiously. Then Des clears his throat. "Men, class is in session; this beautiful creature with brown hair, sapphire orbs, and ivory skin is called a _woman_. That's w-o-m-a-n. If you think that you've seen one...you are correct. In fact they're scattered all over the world." Nine pairs of eyes glare murderously at Des. His dark brown eyes land on Rory's blue ones. "Beautiful creature that is woman I'll introduce you to the guys." He leans into Rory conspiratorially; and points to the black-haired guy to her right. "That's Leonardo Arroyo. Call him Leo." _Fruit cake Leo._ Leo smiles at her, his green eyes kind. Des points to Leo's right. "The muscular beast next to him is Michael Cartwright. Don't let him fool you; steroids couldn't do what he did hereditarily." He says jokingly. _Muscular Michael._ The others chuckle at the angry glare on Michael's face. Michael nods at her in greeting. Des points to the red-haired guy sitting adjacent from Michael. "That's Vinny Price. As his name suggests he is one pricey escort." _Just ask his conquests._ Des throws Rory a smirk then plows on. "Those three are the Helfer brothers: Billy, Dan and Chris." _They're a helluva handful, those Helfer Hounds._ Three brown-haired guys nod in greeting at her. Des points to the one next to Chris. "That other carrot top there is Luis Wrangler." _Red Wrangler._ Luis nods at Rory. "The one with his eyes glued to his watch is Spenser Cross." Spenser's eyes stay to his wristwatch. "And that dirty blonde loser there is Tristan Dugrey." _Trashy Tristan._

Blue clashes with blue as Rory and Tristan stare at each other. Then Tristan's lips from a smirk. "Fellas, this is Rory Gilmore." _That's right Mare, I remember you. Two years and I have yet to forget._

Rory's eyes flash and she smiles at each one of them in turn. "It's a pleasure to meet you all. Tristan, it's good to see you again."

Tristan nods in agreement at Rory's last statement and clears his throat. "Oh, and Des is the chef: Desidero Garcia." Just as Des is going to say something Spenser's wristwatch beeps. "You are going to love dinner...Mary."

**

* * *

**

**Author's Note:** So, what did you think? Comments/questions: review please. I hope, you, few readers that I have don't hate me for doing that.


	2. The Shakedown á la Blondie

**Crossing the Rubicon**

**Chapter 2:** The Shakedown á la Blondie

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Except the insanity that is my mind.

* * *

Right when the watch beeps Des rises from his seat. "Blondie, Leo; get your lazy asses up and help me serve dinner. Rory, would you help too?" _Tristan looks like he's in a talkative mood._ When Tristan and Leo get up, Rory does too.

"Sure." _Why not?_ They walk to the kitchen in silence.

"Des, why must you insist upon asking for my help serving dinner?" Leo asks him curiously. _It never fails, you ask me every time._ Des steers him towards the stove and the cupboards.

"Cause you're my bitch, Leo. You just don't realize it yet." Rory and Tristan stay at the door. The kitchen is spacious despite Moonshine's exterior. Tristan's blue eyes land on Rory's.

"What are you doing here?" _Out of Stars Hollow and away from the Stock Boy?_

Rory sighs already expecting his queries but not really in the mood for them. "I left," _Before I could make everything else worse._ "I packed the duffel bag and got on the bus." _Just took a cue from mom...and Jess._ A twinge of sadness seeps into her at the thought of his name. But she pushes it away.

"What, did you have a fight with your mom? You're not pregnant, are you?" A small flicker flashes in her blue eyes. And she defensively puts her hand on the flat of her stomach. His throat dry, he swallows. _Please don't let it be the Stock Boy's._

A silence ensues, the only sound coming from Des and Leo serving the food. Then, "I'm pregnant." It's said softly but through the silence she's certain that even Des and Leo heard her. As if to back up her certainty, the noise they're making stills...and realization hits her. _I couldn't bring myself to tell mom, because saying it out loud makes it more real. And the look of disappointment she'd give me would've been unbearable. But why can I only say it so freely miles away from Stars Hollow and away from mom?_ She pauses. _Because here I don't feel like I'm going to be judged harshly, I don't feel suffocated here and here I don't have to see the look of disappointment she'd give me for being pregnant._

"It's not the Stock Boy's, is it?" Tristan asks softly, slightly unsure if he wants to know her answer. _Because neanderthals should **not** be allowed to procreate._

She smiles at Tristan and shakes her head. "No, it's not Dean's." _It's my Diner Boy's._ She looks down at her hand on her stomach and then stays quiet.

A throat clears. "Well, if you guys are done there. I'd like your help." Des calls to them from over his shoulder and they both make there way over to help. Rory inhales the scent wafting from the stove.

"What is that?" She asks in a daze. Tristan and Leo chuckle while Des just smirks.

"That smell you're practically salivating over is emanating from 'Arroz con pollo y habichuelas'. Translated its: rice with chicken and beans. It's a very common Hispanic meal. I was bored so that's all you're getting."

Tristan laughs. "Oh, right. See, Des has this tendency that when he's extremely bored he doesn't bother himself with trying to impress you. It pisses off his boss but he knows if he complains to Des about it, it still won't get him to dish out his best."

"I see." She laughs softly then appraises Des silently. Des notices. He sets the dish that he just finishes preparing, on the tray, and gets ready to prepare another one. "Who _is_ the father?"

"Damn, Des. That isn't any of your business." Leo states angrily at him. He then eyes Rory. "You don't have to answer him. He's too nosy for his own damned good." Tristan nods in agreement while Des snorts.

"I am not nosy...merely curious. And he's right; you don't have to answer me." There's a pause and three pairs of eyes land on Rory.

"His name is Jess." She pauses wincing at the pain that falls on her heart by only saying his name causes. She catches the look of concentration on Tristan's face. "You've never met him." She busies herself by piling food on the plate she's currently working on. "He's Luke's nephew. He worked at the diner with Luke." She catches the amused "Diner Boy," that Tristan mutters and decides that she doesn't have to add more.

They all resume quietly. When they finish, it becomes an unspoken agreement between the three males that Des should attempt to erase that melancholy look from her face. Tristan and Leo take two trays and walk out of the kitchen. Rory doesn't know why she stays behind along with Des but stays regardless.

Des walks up to her but Rory's eyes stare at the linoleum floor of the kitchen. "Hey, querida, look at me." Rory's eyes dart up to his in question. And he smiles. "Would you prefer 'sweetheart'? That's what 'querida' means and regardless of if being in English or Spanish; it will be your nickname." She smiles at his explanation.

"But you don't know me at all."

"Technicality," He waves away her statement, jokingly. And she laughs at him. But suddenly he's serious. "Jess doesn't know." She realizes that it isn't a question; it's as if he can read her.

The way that his mocha eyes stare down at her tells her of his seriousness, and she involuntarily takes a step back. _Is he bipolar?_ "How very perceptive of you." Rory is sure that she surprises herself as much as she surprises him with the way sarcasm drips out of that sentence.

"That's the only reason that _I_ can see as to your being in Boston. Because if he was smart, which I'm guessing he is 'cause you don't seem like the type of girl that goes out with just any guy, he wouldn't have let you go. Baby or not," _There my job is done._ He picks up two trays and walks out the door.

She looks at the two remaining trays, and feels her heart tighten in her chest. _I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight._ She sighs, resigned to her sleepless fate, and picks up the last two remaining plates heading towards the front.

**Stars Hollow**

When she opens her eyes Lorelai realizes that she isn't in her room, on her bed, but on a couch. She looks at her surroundings and realizes that she must've fallen asleep sometime during her meltdown. Lorelai sits up just as the door to the apartment opens to admit Luke. He clears his throat and makes his way over to her armed with a glass of water and two Advil pills. He stretches out the hand that holds the pills to her. "I thought you might need it." He offers awkwardly as she gratefully swallows the pills and downs half of the water.

She clears her throat. "Thank you, Luke." The way that her eyes shine tells him that she's not just thanking him for the pills.

"Don't mention it. You fell asleep after awhile and I thought you might need your rest." She gets up to leave. "Whoa, where are you going?" She points towards the door.

"Home...if that's okay with you?" She asks highly amused now.

"W-wouldn't it be better if you didn't go back there after-" He cuts himself off.

"Luke, it's getting dark out and I'll be fine in my own house," _In the house where Rory walked out on me._ It hurts less than she expected but she outwardly winces nonetheless, and Luke notices.

"You take my bed, and when I close the diner, I'll take the couch." He says it as a command and to leave no room open for discussion, he walks her towards his bed. "Tomorrow you can be strong. Tonight," He eyes her seriously. "No." She nods too tired to argue.

She pulls the covers back and gets in. Luke busies himself setting up the couch for later and upon finishing he walks towards the door to head back to work. There's silence and then,

"Thank you, Luke."

"Go to sleep." He grumbles. And when she surrenders to sleep, he silently leaves the apartment to head back to the diner.

**Boston**

Dinner goes by smoothly. And Rory is shocked to find that she's more comfortable after Des' inquiry. Her eyes fall on him. _Or maybe because of it_, she realizes. She smiles at her fourth plate and dinner goes on. The atmosphere is calm as they all eat. They trade jokes: crude. Compliments: friendly. Inquiry: polite.

They speak of their senior classes and of movies they found crappy. There expectations for college. And when questions are aimed at Rory they're never prying. They all went as far as to invite her into their conversations.

As dinner finishes every one the guys thanks Des for dinner and bid their good nights to him, Leo, Rory, and Tristan. The four left in Moonshine all silently set the dishes back on the trays and bring them to kitchen. Rory eyes the kitchen sink sullenly and the three guys laugh at her. She furrows her brows in question and Des nods to a dish washer.

"I threatened to quit if the boss man didn't install it. One of the perks of being a 'culinary godsend' I guess." He says it sarcastically.

Rory places her dishes almost meticulously in the washer. "You regret being a chef?" _How is that possible? Food is second to coffee._ Tristan and Leo snort beside her.

"Hmm...No; it's more like I regret becoming 'up-and-coming'." He spots the question in her eyes; and sighs. "Tristan?" _Will you field this one?_

Tristan sighs. "You see, Mary. Des's problem is that while he realizes that he has an awesome gift," Tristan pauses smirking at the "Thank you," that Des gives him. "He doesn't care much for attention." _I still say that's weird, but then again we **are** talking about Des._ All the dirty dishes loaded Des adds the detergent and presses the button.

"Done. Let's breeze." _I'm beat._ The three males all head for the door and pause turning back around to face Rory.

"Mary, this is the part where Des locks up." Tristan states amused.

"You're just going to leave the dishes in the washer?" They chuckle at her.

Both Leo and Des proclaim, "I like her." While Tristan smirks. And Rory blushes.

Des clears his throat. "Querida, I'm the first one here every day. Its okay, come on." He nods towards the front door while Leo and Tristan busy themselves securing the windows and shutting the blinds. "We're roommates; our condo is a few blocks away. We have a guest room, so you're staying with us." _Whether you want to or not._

"I wouldn't want to impose." _I could just go rent a room at a hotel._ Des scoffs at that and picks up her duffel bag.

She gapes at him. "Follow the duffel."

She laughs at him. Together they exit Moonshine, and head towards to the condo.

---

The condo, to Rory's surprise, is spacious and clean. The walls are completely painted with drawings of street art and fantasy. Every drawing looks so captivating that it's difficult to care which ones are supposed to be detailed or sketchy. Rory closes in a wall of fantasy and tries to take it all in. The three males stand back and let her thoroughly inspect the wall.

"Who drew all of this?" The utter awe in her question slightly baffles them. Leo clears his throat awkwardly.

"I did. It's nothing big and if it offends you I'm sorry." Leo shifts his weight from one foot to the other. And the three roommates wait for Rory's opinion.

Rory turns away from the wall to face them. "Leo it's beautiful. How would I be offended?"

"Every girl that Tristan and Des bring over gets freaked out by the walls."

She eyes Tristan and Des, and then looks at Leo. "You never bring your girls home, Leo?" Her blue eyes are full of mirth and her voice is teasing.

Tristan throws an arm around Leo's shoulders and smirks at Rory. "Our boy, Leo, here is one of those men who feels he should devout his best years to just one girl." Leo's determined, "There's nothing wrong with that," makes Tristan's smirk widen.

Rory smiles sweetly at Tristan, "If I recall correctly you spent most of your time at Chilton with just one girl at a time." She wipes the smirk from his face and Tristan regards her in-kind. _Mary has grown a backbone._

"I grew up. What's with the change in geography?" Rory sighs and makes her way to a couch in the living room.

"I didn't plan on getting pregnant, it was just a miscalculation." Tristan's "Be still my fucking heart," is heard through a smirk and the three friends resume looking at her. "I felt that it'd be better for me and this baby if I just left." Leo and Des nod at her.

"But why come to Boston?" Tristan sits down next to her giving her his full attention.

"Harvard," She answers him. And Tristan smiles at her. "But I'm not sure if they'll still accept me. I mean I'm expecting a baby and I have no way to pay..." Rory gets cut off by Leo's laughter.

"My dad is the Dean of Admissions, I'll talk to him. As for money that's what scholarships, grants, and financial aid is for and what those can't pay Tristan, Des, and I will chip in."

She's opens her mouth to argue when Tristan cuts in. "Did you forget that we're privileged rich kids." When he sees that doesn't placate her, he starts again. "Are parents are real close so we sort of grew up together and if we decide to help you by giving you food, shelter, and money then they'll help us. Face it Mary, you're stuck with us." Des and Leo sit across from them and again nod at Rory.

"So...I'm going to Harvard?" She breathes out her tense shoulders deflating with relief.

"You with us, querida."

They talk a little more of Stars Hollow, Jess, and their plans during and after her pregnancy. They talk of things that they'll all need to keep from invading each others privacy. Then Leo leaves to his girlfriends' and Des heads to bed. Rory and Tristan stay sitting on the comfortable black leather couch together enjoying the others company. "Why a condo? Why not stay at your parents place?" _Why move out when you could have everything you ever wanted so easily?_ Tristan glances at her.

"It's probably the same reason your mother left her parents' mansion. We just got tired of it, of being spoiled all the time. We talked to all our parents and they put up the down payment then the three of us went out job hunting. I'm currently working three jobs and an endless number of girls." She smiles at him amazed by him. It's quiet after awhile until Tristan speaks. "You love him." A feeble noise escapes her throat and he takes it as a protest. "You're happy about having his kid and you love him. But...you're _here_?" She jumps up off the couch angry at him.

"Don't," She warns as he gets up too.

"Help me, Mare. 'Cause I really don't get it. You ran away from Stars Hollow, your mother, and Jess. Why-no I get why you ran from your mother, and maybe Stars Hollow...but Jess?" _I don't care if I never met him. She left and didn't tell him she was having his kid._ Her blue eyes glare icily at him. But he continues. "I mean with Dean that was a joke. Any self-respecting player could spot the punch-line a mile away. 'Cause when you were with him at that dance I never thought you'd actually sleep with him, which you didn't. Hell I thought you were gonna be the 'Virgin Mary' forever. Then you sleep with Diner Boy and you're having his baby then you leave him? 'Cause you love him? Why did you leave him? Did he cheat on you? You caught him, didn't you?"

Rory's eyes narrow menacingly up at him. "He did no such thing! You want to know why I slept with him, because he didn't see me as a porcelain doll that'd break at the slightest abrasion, he wasn't afraid to damage me and he never did! And I didn't leave him because I caught him cheating on me. I left _after_ he left!" Before he can question her she continues. "He left three weeks ago and I thought it'd be better if I didn't tell him I was having his baby." She pauses, her throat sore from yelling at him. Tristan eyes her.

"But that's bullshit! He should know; if I was him I'd want to know if I impregnated my girlfriend. Why didn't you call him? You said Luke had father's number."

"Because you're right, I love him. I love that he loved literature and that he'd argue with me about it. I love that he likes the music I like. I love that he was upfront about everything and I never had to worry if he was keeping something from me because he told me everything," _Sometimes._ She finishes silently, her second wind over but then she catches the doubt in Tristan's eyes and she starts again. "He did...maybe not right away but he did and he never thought to cheat on me," She says it with absolute certainty that he's eyes widen at her. "I love his unpredictability and that he's only nice to _me_. I love the way he looks at me, so unashamedly. I love that he writes in the margins. I love how he's able to make his sarcasm sound so serious that people actually think he's being sincere. I love that he isn't rich or perfect and that he's battered and broken because he fills me; _all_ of me."

She lets herself drop back down on the couch, emotionally exhausted. Tristan sits across from her on the coffee table. When she meets his eyes he sees the tears threatening to fall. "If I would've called him and told him about the baby, he would've come running. He'd leave the one chance he ever had at getting to know his father. He'd come back to a town that hated him to be with me and our baby. He'd come back to apologize to Luke. And he'd have to repeat his senior year over. He'd do all that for me and our baby. Tell me Tristan, how long before he'd start to resent me for all of it?" And Tristan gets it then and he can't help feel like an utter asshole at breaking her more. She's openly crying now. "I couldn't bear it if he resented me along with my mother." _I wouldn't be able to pretend away the resentment and hate that I know I'd see if I told him._ Tristan moves from the coffee table to sit beside her. He puts his arms around the broken girl, attempting to console her.

"I know, Mare. You're not there anymore. You didn't call him. You didn't tell your mom or Jess." He says, rubbing her back. She's sobbing into his very nice shirt and she thinks that she should apologize for it later, if she remembers. They stay like that, her ruining Tristan's shirt and him rubbing her back. When she's spent and he's sure that she fell asleep he picks her up bridal style and takes her to the guest room. _Her room._ He corrects himself placing her gently on her bed. She stirs and mumbles a "Goodnight, Blondie." He smiles at her tearstained cheeks. _I have a new roommate._ He sighs. But she's not certain if Diner Boy loves her. He scoffs silently. _You better love her, Diner Boy._ He steps out of her room shutting her door behind him. _Because she sure as hell loves you._ He walks to his own room to sleep off his extremely eventful day. _At least it's the weekend._ He closes his own door and throws himself on his bed letting sleep overtake him.

* * *

**A/N:** So? What did you think? I apologize if it's too long. Let me know what you think.


	3. He Blames the Sky

**Crossing the Rubicon**

**Chapter 3:** He Blames the Sky

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Except the insanity that is my mind.

* * *

**Stars Hollow**

Lorelai stirs when the light streaming through the open window begins to be a pain. But she forgets that pain all too quickly as she inhales the smell of food. She's not sure what it is because she's still functioning on her morning mind, pre-coffee; but she knows its food and that were she in her own house she wouldn't be privy to Luke's breakfast in Luke's apartment. So she hurriedly disentangles herself from the sheets and scrambles to the bathroom to brush her teeth quickly with her finger. When she steps out of the bathroom teeth brushed, she can finally identify what Luke is placing in a plate.

She waits till he places it in front of her to comment though. "You made me fluffy pancakes, eggs, and bacon. And you didn't put it so that it was staring at me." She looks up at him happily. "Thank you, Luke." He nods and hands her a fork, so she can eat.

"Coffee's almost ready." She nods half way through her breakfast already. When he moves to get a mug for her coffee she gets up and sets the dishes in the sink. He hands her the mug filled to the brim with coffee and she inhales it gratefully. "So what are you doing today?" He asks her when she sits back down in the chair.

"Hmm; well I'm going home to get changed for work, then work, then lunch here, then back to work, then dinner here again, and then home." She pauses in drinking her coffee to say this and he nods at her.

"Right, because you always do that." He clears his throat and before he can think better of it asks, "How are you holding up?" In answer she gets up to place the empty mug in the kitchen sink. "Lorelai?" She turns around to face him.

"Luke, it's only been a day since my daughter left me. What do you want me to say?" She barks at him. She exhales roughly exasperated at herself. "I'll get better, just give my...time." She eyes him. "The authoritativeness last night and morning breakfast helped though." He looks at her doubtfully. "Really," She adds truthfully at him and he smiles at her. She nods at him and heads for the door. "See you at lunch, Luke." She throws over her shoulder as the door closes behind her. She sighs happily and walks briskly down the stairs and out the door of the diner, heading home to start her day.

**Boston**

Rory turns sleepily on her side. She groans in thanks at the comfortable _thing_ under her. _What is it?_ The name of the 'thing' is lost somewhere in the haze that's currently taking residence in her mind. She brings a hand lazily to her eyes and proceeds to rub them. Upon opening them she takes a look underneath her. _It's a bed? How did I get here?_ She remembers yelling at Tristan. Telling-yelling at him, the discernible things that made her fall for Jess. And telling him what she feared would happen had she told Jess and or her mother of her pregnancy. She remembers Tristan holding her as she cried on his shirt-ruined it and then she must've fallen asleep. _Tristan must've brought me here._ She sits up on the bed and takes a look around. The room is bigger than her room in Stars Hollow. It has a bureau directly beside the wall adjacent to the bed. A dresser stands on the far right side the room, beside two slightly open doors. One door shows her a small closet and the other one shows her the bathroom.

She glances around at the walls, notices its bare white coloring and frowns. She looks at the bureau to find her duffel bag laying on it. She stands walking over to it only to find a post it sticking to it. It reads,

"Mare,

There's tooth paste in the bathroom, I'm assuming you bought your own tooth brush _and_ tooth paste. Thought you ought to know regardless. Get dressed and come outside to eat breakfast. We're _all_ going out when breakfast is over.

Your new roomie, Tristan."

She smiles at his scrawl. She sticks the post it on the bureau's mirror and opens her duffel searching for clothes, socks, and her tooth brush and tooth paste. Upon finding a small black shirt and a pair of blue jeans she gets dressed and puts on her socks and sneakers. She glances at herself than heads to the bathroom with tooth paste and tooth brush in hand. She turns on the water and gets to work on her teeth. Right when she finishes there's a knock on her door. "Come in," Sloppily leaves her mouth as she's rinsing out the foamy tooth paste. That's how Tristan finds her, tooth brush clean on the side of the bathroom sink, and mouth foamy.

He chuckles at her. She furrows her eyebrows at him. "Trying out rabid, huh? It works for you." She glances at her reflection on the mirror and her eyes widen comically. She hurriedly lowers her face into the sink and washes away the foam.

"I needed an opinion, thanks for contributing yours." She moves out of the bathroom and out her room confident that he's right behind her. The smell of pancakes hits her and she stills.

"Des makes the most delicious pancakes I've ever had. Go on." He prompts her from behind with a hand to her back. She moves limply towards the kitchen counter. She sits on one of the stools to have a plate of pancakes placed in front her. Des hands the fork towards her.

"I am the Pancake King." _Don't forget that._ He proclaims giving her the fork and a smile. She nods dazedly at him; eyes still on the pancakes and she cuts a bite. She lifts it towards her mouth and inhales. As soon as the tines leave her mouth her eyes close. Three pairs of laughter hit her ears but she's too entranced to notice. The pancake is so fluffy. Suddenly hungry she wolfs down her pancakes. "Good?" Des asks her, highly amused.

She nods, full and pleased. Tristan and Leo move to stand before her as Des puts her plate in the sink. "You ready, Mare?" She shakes her head suddenly empty and pouts at the three. They look at her questioningly. She knows that she can ask for the murder of someone she highly dislikes and they'd do it. They're powerless against the famous Gilmore pout.

She knows this because she's used it to get Jess to do things that he'd flat-out refuse to do otherwise. And if stoic Jess can't refuse her pout, then her new roommates don't stand a chance. The three of them notice the distant look in her eyes and she knows deep in her heart that if she thinks _his_ name once more; that door hidden behind the inner recesses of her mind will unlock and open itself. Like that Beetle Juice spell. _Say his name three times and the past that I'm denying myself access to will come out that door-the Dodger Door-that keeps itself locked tighter than Fort Knox and I'll drown in us._ And she knows this as sure as she knows the sun is up and it's bright outside...but right now she can't bring herself to care. _Je-_

"What do you want before we breeze?" Des asks. And she eyes him curiously, she wanted something? She can't remember right now. But then she tastes the pre-coffee taste in her mouth and smiles sweetly at Des.

"Coffee," Des furrows his eyebrows at her like he can't remember something.

"It's fresh in the pot." She smiles giddily at him before jumping off the stool and heading straight for the coffee pot. Leo places a coffee thermos in front of her before she can begin to busy herself searching for a mug.

"Filled it completely, let's go." Leo says putting his arm around her own and leading her out the door. She complies and opens the thermos taking a grateful sip. She distractedly catches "Are pregnant girls allowed to drink coffee?" that Tristan asks to Des before she greedily sips some more.

From behind her and Leo, Des shrugs with a smirk. "You didn't tell me she loved coffee." Tristan looks sideways at him.

"I wasn't aware of that fact."

"Well now we know." Tristan smirks at him. _She has that pout and we have the coffee._ Des nods knowing that Tristan just realized what he did in the condo.

They both get in Leo's silver hummer, putting away the new information for further inspection later. Leo turns the ignition over and they head out. Rory happily sips her coffee; Leo drives and shifts through the stations, while the two friends stare out the windows at the bustle of Boston.

**California**

It's been three weeks since he left Stars Hollow. Three weeks since he left Taylor, Dean, the rest of the townspeople, Lorelai, Luke, and _her_. Three weeks, two days, and eight hours. But oddly enough-maybe not that odd-he's not in the slightest bit giddy at that realization. Because in those three weeks, two days, and eight hours since he's left Stars Hollow; he has had a problem.

He sits on his temporary bed on the living room floor, with a scowl on his face. He sighs frustrated. And that very problem is being blatantly annoying today. He stares at the book in his tight grasp.

Jess's problem is his inability to get lost in a plot. Since those three weeks every time he's tried to read a book, this damned problem has surfaced. He hasn't been able to get through a single book. Forget book he hasn't been able to get through a paragraph, sentence, consonant, or vowel. He forcefully shoves the book away from himself. There is a perfectly respectable reason as to why his problem is inexplicably annoying today and it is because he dreamt of _her_ last night. He sighs. It wasn't just any dream, it was the memory of that night; _their_ night. And he can't let himself think of it, thinking about her and or her name is taboo.

Jess denies himself access to the memories of them because it'd be wrong somehow. Taking a stroll down memory lane intentionally or not; without knowing where he stands with _her_ feels wrong to him. He scoffs, he knows exactly where he stands with her...or at least he _thinks_ he knows. _I'm no less than a stranger to her now._ Hence the reason for her name being taboo; because how does that saying go? Say the devil's name and he'll appear. It probably goes the same for thinking the name too. Experience and common sense have taught him that his thinking her name or saying it out loud won't make her appear before him. Nights spent thinking Jimmy's name as a child taught him that the theory is for naught.

But still, he's made himself two rules: No thinking her name or saying her name. No remembering them together. And for three weeks Jess hasn't broken his two rules. Well with the exception of his dream last night. But after last night he wants to see her, _needs_ to see her, even if it's just behind closed eyes. Besides Jess has never been one for rules.

With his mind set; he throws himself back on the mattress, eyes closed. _Rory._ He thinks breathily from within his mind. And with her, the saying proves true.

**Flashback**

"They say a man experiences his happiest moments with the person who makes him most happy." Her voice is quiet as they sit on the bridge, shoes dangling over the water leisurely, and eyes on the stars reflecting on the lake's surface. The clouds above them threaten to open up above them and release an outpour of rain. His amber eyes move from the water's surface to her calm face. He knows that though the statement is random, she's going somewhere with it; just like he knows that in a couple of hours-maybe even minutes-her stomach will growl announcing her hunger for food.

So he humors her random statement. "It seems plausible." He nods to accentuate its plausibility. She averts her sapphire orbs so that she's looking into amber eyes. There's something hidden beneath the amusement shining in her eyes at his statement. An emotion he's sure he's only ever seen once before in her eyes. If he isn't mistaken it was after the disaster of dinner in her grandparent's house and before Kyle's party. But the name of the emotion escapes him as she enthralls him with the force of it.

"Assuming that it's plausibility is severely high. Who, then, makes you experience your happiest moments?" Both the way that her pouty lips curve in a knowing smile and the emotion, once hidden behind amusement now at the forefront of her eyes, tells him she knows his answer without needing to hear his response. The combination of knowing her certainty and seeing it frighten him. _How can she know when I don't?_ He knows even after he thinks that question that her certainty in his answer for her question comes from the way he acts around her; and that seems to scare him more. _But why does this knowledge scare me?_

She's waiting patiently and he swallows his throat suddenly dry. "Rory," Her name is all that makes it past his lips, because he has no clue as to how he'll change the direction this conversation is headed. She shifts her position, so that her lips are suddenly mere inches from his. As she closes the remaining distance, the corner of her lips curve in a smile; a new smile that he's never seen on her before. Her lips graze his lips slowly and he gasps. In that brief exhalation he's hit with the thought that she planned this all; from her random question to his breath catching. This kiss that she's just initiated is starkly in and of its own accord, rare for them. As her lips brush teasingly against his own he can't help but respond in kind, slow and promising. _She's awfully cunning._ He thinks, amazed at her, as she brings her fingers delicately to the sides of his jaw. Then she opens her mouth and licks his bottom lip with her velvet tongue. He gives in to her allowing her the power to do as she wishes with him; and he's not sure how they get there but they somehow end up behind the Independence Inn, in the potting shed before the rain can catch them.

He has an arm wrapped securely around her waist fitting her into him completely while his hand is tilting her head back giving him more access to her sweet lips and velvet tongue. Her fingers are tangled in his dark hair. Her hand pulls on his hair and his gasp of pleasure rockets him back into reality. He disentangles himself away from her and faces the door. The door is safe; it leads to the torrent of rain outside. If things get too heated then he can cool himself down by drenching himself in the rain. He scoffs inwardly at himself. Things got way past heated on the bridge with her kiss.

His breathing is the only indication just how close he'd gotten to falling over the edge, he puts his forehead gently on the surface of the door delighting in the fact that the weather outside the potting shed matches the battle within him. She's gasping for air too and he prides himself that he got her like that. She brings her fingers to the bottom of his gray shirt and under till her fingers are caressing his sides with feather light touches. He clenches his eyes tightly shut and presses his forehead into the door with more force. Her fingers lift the bottom of his shirt upwards.

"Rory," he warns her and she answers him by lifting his shirt up till she can see his bare back. With his help his arms are out of the sleeves of his shirt and the shirt is above his shoulders, around his neck now and she lets her fingers roam the planes of his smooth back. Every brush of her fingers causes his muscles to tense in reaction to her tantalizing touch. She leans up toward him and brings her mouth to his ear so that he can feel her hot breath on the shell of his ear. He hisses in pleasure as she nips at the lobe of his ear, all the while her fingers continue their torturous ministrations on his back. "Rory," he says again. And she cuts him off.

"You know," she starts conversationally in his ear, as though she isn't pushing him over the edge more. "You're the one man who makes me happy." Her words tickle his ear and he can't stand not looking into her eyes anymore, so he turns slowly to face her. When his eyes meet hers, he sees the truth of her words in her sapphire orbs. Her hands, which stayed on his skin while he turned to face her, lift the shirt up over his head and she lets it fall to the floor. Her eyes greedily take in the sight of him half naked before her as her fingers dance over the contours of his chest. She notices the way that his muscles respond to her. Unable to cope with the loss of having her body next to him; he leans into her placing his forehead gently on her own and his fingers under her shirt on the skin of her sides.

His eyes are on hers and she finds herself nodding to his unspoken question. Her arms now around his neck gently push him into her and away from the door; he gets the hint and directs her toward the bed on the side of the shed near the window and down pouring rain. His amber eyes silently ask her again as they land, seated, on the bed and her answer is to place her own hands on his still ones at her sides and to direct them to lift her shirt upwards. He complies and brings his lips unhurriedly to hers and breathes "Rory," before he surrenders himself completely to her will and his desire.

---

They're in a tangle of limbs under the blanket and he's certain she's asleep. As he lays there next to her, somewhere in his sleepy mind he's ecstatic that she's cunning because he wouldn't believe her to be ready otherwise. If he had kissed her first then he isn't certain he could've stopped himself had she not been ready. He gently brushes a strand of chestnut hair out of her face. _You are awfully cunning, Gilmore._ He's almost certain she knew that she had him at her random statement. He sighs and places his forehead next to her own, their mouths centimeters apart. That new smile she had curving her lips before is on her face now. He proclaims the new smile his, the Jess smile.

He closes his eyes and, slowly but surely, succumbs sleep. He's just about to let sleep overtake him, his breathing even, when she stirs next to him. "I love you, Jess." She whispers to his lips in a bedroom murmur. And as he lets himself slip into the realm of sleep his heart pounds furiously in his chest at her silent confession. _Awfully cunning._ His last thought as he slips into sleep.

**End Flashback**

A sloppy tongue licks his face and he finds himself back on his mattress in the living room. Jess shoves the four-legged canine, Frodo, away from him. He sighs glad he took the forbidden excursion into the past of them. He knows, with every fiber of his being, that her silent confession wasn't his imagination.

"Jess, did you finish the book?" Lily asks quietly from inside of the closet. He sighs again and grabs the book; he gets up off the bed and walks over to the closet. He knocks softly announcing his presence. She opens the closet and makes a grab for the book. She flips through it and pouts up at him. "You didn't write in the margins."

"It's not my book." He admits half-heartedly to her. They both know the book not belonging to him wouldn't have stopped him, but she nods accepting his answer. He's silent until she closes the closet door. "I'm going out. I'll probably head to Dante's and start my shift early." He doesn't wait for her reply because she knows he wasn't expecting it. He's been working four jobs since Sasha agreed to let him stay temporarily, one job being at Dante's Inferno.

He walks out the house and stares up at the bright sun and blue sky as he heads towards Santa Monica. He glares at the blue sky. It reminds him of her eyes. So that's why he dreamt of her last night; in preparation for today. He knows that logically the brazen blue sky above him isn't the cause for his dream. But logical thought doesn't deter him in picking the sky as his scapegoat. Jess sends one more glare heavenward. He blames the sky. Logical thought be damned.

He reaches Dante's in time to hear Deke finish a set. Deke Calhoun, a gifted trumpet player, just recently became a regular at Dante's. Deke sets the trumpet on the round black tabletop happily nods at Jess. He catches Jess' nod and scowl and laughs. "You woke up on the wrong side of the mattress, Jessie boy?" Since Deke is in his late fifty's, Jess lets him get away with the nickname. He nods sitting down in the chair across from Deke. "You want to talk about it?"

"Nosy geezer," The empty insult merely causes Deke to laugh. Jess sighs casting his eyes on the tabletop.

Deke chuckles at him and decides not to pressure him. "So after you work here, you're going to your other jobs?" Jess nods and gets up, to start his shift.

After his shift at Dante's he heads to the bookstore. He starts his shift begrudgingly as he eyes the customers that are able to read. Maybe he's succumbing to insanity in blaming the sky but his alternative is to blame _her_. So instead of blaming her he blames the sky.

After the bookstore he heads to the coffee shop, his third job is a restaurant, his last job his second shift at Dante's. For the past three weeks he's distracted himself with his four jobs. He saves the money, opting to have enough for when his month at Jimmy's ends and he has to leave. His not sure where he's going when the month is over but New York sounds good.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry for the late update. Well, there's chapter three.


End file.
